Drawer Clutter and Dirty Lies: The Most Useless Kitchen Tools Ever Made Popular

Being in professional kitchens taught me a lot of things. One of them is this: the tool industry's greatest trick was convincing home cooks that cooking is harder than it is — and then selling them the equipment to manage that imaginary difficulty. Today we're calling it out. From the banana slicer to the Rollie Eggmaster (yes, that's a real thing), here's the definitive Hall of Shame for kitchen gadgets that had no business being this popular.

Exhibit A through Z. You probably own at least three of these. No judgment. (Almost.)

Let me start with a confession.

I have been a professional chef for over thirty years. Hot, no-nonsense kitchens where if a tool didn't earn its place on the line, it got thrown in a drawer and never came back out. I've cooked aboard a hospital ship in West Africa. I've fed over a thousand people at a stretch on outdoor flat tops. I know what actually works in a kitchen — and I know what's a pretty lie wrapped in injection-molded plastic.

The Best Cooking Tools I Actually Use (And My Honest Notes on All of Them)

A while back I put together an Kitchen Equipment Best Buys I actually own and use — not stuff I was paid to say nice things about, not gear someone sent me for free. My stuff. With my real notes attached. 

I've been getting questions about it lately, so I figured I'd pull it all together here in one place and expand on a few things the character limits on Amazon don't let me say. The list is organized loosely by category. If you want to shop the whole thing in one place, this category is at: The Best Cooking Tools. 

Let's get into it.

The Best High-End Kitchen Knives

People ask me all the time: "Tyrone, what knives do you use?"

I get it. Knives are personal. They're also the most important tools in your kitchen — more important than any gadget, any appliance, any piece of cookware you'll ever buy. If your knife is bad, everything you cook is harder than it needs to be.

I've been working in professional kitchens for over 30 years. I've cooked in 25+ countries. I've used cheap knives, great knives, borrowed knives, and everything in between. The ones on this list? These are knives I actually own, have owned for years, and would buy again without hesitation.

This is the premium tier. These are investments — and I mean that in the best possible way. Buy one good knife and take care of it, and it will outlast everything else in your kitchen.

The Best Budget Kitchen Knives

People ask me all the time — "Tyrone, what knives should I buy?" And honestly, it's one of my favorite questions. Because the answer might surprise you.

You don't need to spend $150 on a single knife to cook great food. After 30+ years in professional and home kitchens, I can tell you that the right budget knife — cared for properly — will outperform an expensive knife that never sees a sharpening rod. Every. Single. Time.

I put together a list of my actual picks over on my Kitchen Best Buys page, and I want to walk you through the budget knife section right here, with my personal take on each one. These aren't random Amazon picks. I have used these — at home and professionally.

Let's get into it.

KFC actually made a real, wearable Pickle Puffer Jacket

I thought this was fake.

I genuinely thought this was one of those AI-generated internet jokes — the kind you laugh at for five seconds and then forget about while scrolling to the next thing.

But no.

The KFC Pickle Puffer Jacket. Yes, this is real. Yes, those are actual pickles.

KFC actually made a real, wearable Pickle Puffer Jacket. And somehow, the more you learn about it, the more unhinged it gets.

Let's talk about this.