Passed

Last weekend the girls came for a visit on the ship again. It is so fun when they come to visit us at our "home". Their visit was short but super fun. They wanted another tour of the ship so we did that then we ate African food from in town and we did what we always do... laugh. I love them so much. They are truly lovely.

This week when we went out for Bible study we heard wonderful news, Annie (the oldest) passed her entrance exam for nursing school. I am so excited for her. She still has an interview in January and needs to be accepted, but passing this test has really given her a sense of hope. She is a woman of integrity, honor, and compassion and so badly wants to be a nurse. Please join me in prayer for her. Please pray that she will be accepted into the program and that she will be able to achieve her dream.

The Secret Place

Yesterday Tyrone and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. We wanted to go away for a couple of days, but it is not so easy here in Liberia to find a place that isn't saturated with NGO workers and that is safe in this war-torn country. We recently heard of a place called Thinkers Village, a beach about 1 hour from the ship that has decent accommodations and food. When we got there we were so excited (partly because we didn't have to travel in a crowded taxi for 3 hours) when we saw the accommodations and the lovely, clean beach. We spent 2.5 days hanging out, reading, listening to music, and enjoying each others company, and most of all we were away from the ship.

This weekend I read Psalm 91 and all I could think of was how I was so excited to find this sorta secret place to have a small get-a-way with Tyrone. I got so much joy and rejuvenation from our little vacation and then to think of the secret place of the Most High and the stability that only comes from being under the shadow of the Almighty. This is where I want to be, the secret place of the One who is my Refuge, my Fortress, my God.

Psalm91:1-2

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him, I lean and rely, and in Him I confidently trust.

no, no, yes...

It has been a wild ride for me this past year. I came to the ship arrogant, to be totally honest. I simply thought I had something to offer to the community of the ship and also the people of Liberia. Yes, I have skills, gifts, and talents that the Lord has blessed me with but I thought, Stephanie Ruth Barton could make a difference.

It all changed on February 18th. It was screening day and definitely the worst day of my life as a nurse. That one day of seeing the true needs of Africa (not just what is shown on Western television) showed me that my abilities, or even the most talented, helpful person in whole wide world is just a small, small piece of this incredibly large need.

On screening day we spent the majority of the day saying "no" to people with medical problems that we do not specialize in, in order to have room for the patients that we can truly help. Screening day was just the beginning of this process. (In Liberia there are no specialty surgeons other than the occasional NGO surgeon that sets up shop in the local hospital, but there is still a problem, there are not really any skilled anesthesiologists either. So even then the surgeries performed are only simple, for the most part.) People come to the gates of the port begging to be seen by a Dr. desperately hoping that they can board the most technologically advanced hospital in all of West Africa (aka their only option for their medical problem).

Kwelywan is 7, his father has brought him to the ship 3 times now in hopes that his son would get a "yes". The first 2 times they did tests and conferenced with Doctors around the world and the answer was no. Kwelywan has an encephalocele. An encephalocele is a birth defect where a piece of the skull doesn't close completely, therefore brain matter seeps out and forms a bulge usually in front of the face, between the eyes. The surgery is very complex, requires a lot of care, can have severe complications including death. These are surgeries that are rarely done in the States, so doing it here seems unreal. Dr. Gary has done 2 already this outreach and has had good results both times.

The third time that Kwelywan and his dad entered the ship they received the long awaited "yes". In my heart of hearts I feel conflicted. I am so excited that he may have the chance to live a life of acceptance in his village. However, I am worried that we may have bitten off more than we can chew. (can I say that?) This is the Kwelwan that I remember.

He is playful and silly. Now he is laying in bed with a bandage covering 2/3 of his whole head, so miserably uncomfortable that he can't help himself but to just thrash around in bed (not the best thing for a kid who just had brain surgery). This is where the arrogance comes in. I as a nurse want to come on to a shift, get report on my patients, then fix what is broken, but I can't. I can do my best. I can use the skills, abilities, and gifts the Lord has blessed me with and I can trust in the Lord to do the rest. That is my part of this big picture.

the list goes on...

It is so easy to get wrapped up in my own little world. It is easy to complain about spending most of the weekend in the bathroom feeling like death is just around the corner. It is easy to complain about my 4 night shifts in a row, 2 of them being 12 hour shifts. The list goes on. Then a reality check came crashing in. His name is Melvin. He had a tumor on the side of his that pushed his eye over to the left. If you just looked at him, you would think "ah not that bad, considering some of the massive tumors that are seen on this ship." But his CT scan showed something different. Melvin's tumor was so large it pushed the septum (the bone of your nose) and his eye over. So here I am back at work after thinking I was going to die from vomiting and Melvin who just had his face rearranged is relaxing in his bed. As I changed his dressing hourly due to his continual blood loss and checked his blood count every four hours he would ask me how I was feeling and encouraged me to sit and rest. Oh man, a nice dose of perspective.

Glad

As a nurse it is inevitable I will receive report from a worn out nurse that has expended all of her available energy and resources trying to calm down a confused, irrational, scared, or combative patient, I just never thought it would be here on a ship in West Africa. I arrived to D ward bright and early this morning and the night nurses looked shattered.

I can not even imagine how scary it must be for our patients to come aboard our ship alone. They don't know us, they may live so far into the interior they may be unfamiliar with white people altogether. They don't speak English, and some of them may not even be capable to understand what to expect even if has been explained in their own language.

The lady in D1 ( I will leave her nameless due to the nature of the events) had surgery yesterday and returned back to the ward. She speaks Kpelle so the communication was difficult but there were not any real problems. Apparently shortly after the evening shift nurses left she started acting very paranoid and eventually disappeared. The nurses frantically looked for her in the ward, no sign of her. They then searched the hospital, still MIA. They called security to come help. As the nurses were searching high and low they noticed a random foot peaking out from under the linen cart behind a box. Ah ha!! The foot belonged to the missing patient. The sequence of events that followed this include a very frightened/ confused  patient doing irrational things. The patient was finally calmed down and the other patients were able to go back to sleep.

After I received report I mentally chose to be glad, not to be irritated that I had to care for the patient that was obviously going to take a huge amount of time and effort. The morning was filled with drama, irrational behavior, and tasks. At one point the patient was trying to steal the other patients tea and bread. We as a team of caregivers chose to still be glad and not irritated.

I have been learning lately the true meaning of "You have made me glad". Before it was just lyrics but now I choose that to be the anthem of my heart. He has made me glad. If I were to honestly sing that song before, it would be more like "He has made me sad, He has made me anxious, or He has made me irritated". There will always be things that are sad, irritating, worrisome, upsetting, but to think that everything has to be perfect in order to be glad is missing out on so much of life. So, as I chased around my patient, juggled all my other tasks and patients I was glad... finally!!

I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
He has set my feet upon a rock
I will not be moved
And I'll say of the Lord

You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower.
My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in heaven but You
There's none I desire beside You
You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord

You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need

deeper

There is something about working in the wee hours of the night that makes me look a little deeper or more carefully perhaps. When all the lights are off (except for the one covered with African fabric) and the curtains are pulled as a make-shift  wall between those awake and those asleep and my  work is complete, I start to notice the humans beings that are occupying the beds of D ward. It is easy to just see the bandages that need to be changed, or tubes that need to be filled, or drains that need to be emptied. On the flip side it is also easy to see only the personalities of our patients and forget they are here because they need medical care that their country can not provide them.

I worked the past three nights and it was actually wonderful. Yes, I hate night shift, we all do but I had the most beautiful patient and they made it worth it.

Kelvin is in his 30's and is completely blind. His brother slept on a mattress under his bed and did his best to care for him. However, Kelvin's brother has very little sight himself. At one point I saw him trying to help the patient next to Kelvin tie her gown closed. His face was about 4 inches from her gown and after a while the task was done and the ladies backside was covered.

Kelvin has a sweet and gentle nature and anytime he needed my help I would hear him say "Sister Miatta." I learned quickly that when I approached him to say "Kelvin, it is Miatta. I am here. What do you need." When it was time for me to leave this morning he called me over and said " SIster Miatta, Thank you for your kindness and help. I will not forget you. I will pray that God will reward you for helping me"

Gifts

I always thought everyone was a gift-giver. I feel a need to express my love and/or appreciation from the depths within me. It usually is something small, maybe some cookies, a card, pictures, etc...It was quite a surprise when I realized not everyone had this same need. When I got married I quickly realized that this was not universal. I read the popular book about the five love languages and gifts are one of them and I identified immediately.

My first experience with Mercy Ships was on the Caribbean Mercy in Honduras and I worked in village Guadalupe Carne as much as I could. The week before the ship left, one of the ladies in the village wanted to bring me a gift. She brought me a live chicken. My first thought "Why in the world would she bring me a chicken.". My second thought was " Oh man she only had 5 chickens and she gave me one." So of course, I killed, plucked, cleaned, and cooked this chicken. Not this city girl's idea of fun, but to honor the gifter I did it.

Today my friend Bendu came to the ship to bring Becky a going-a-way gift. It seems sort of weird that since last week she came to the ship and took us to her house but would not let us inside. So we sat outside on her porch for 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, we still had fun. We chatted, she showed us pictures, told us about the night she got burned and talked about our future plans. At one point we asked her if we could see her room, but she just laughed and changed the subject.

Bendu presented Becky with a neatly wrapped package that held a dress and she gave her a black plastic bag for me. My present was a bag full of cucumbers. What? Why in the world? Becky got a dress and I got a bag of produce. But who am I to second the gifter? The whole situation is just so funny. How many people can say they have received a bag of cucumbers as a gift?

A new name.

Last week I returned to the ward after working in the recovery room for 7 weeks. I enjoyed a normal schedule more than I can express in words, but I missed building relationships with my patients (especially the long-term ones).

Thursday, I was working in A ward on day shift. One of my patients needed blood so that kept me close to his bedside most of the shift. He and his 3 neighbors were very chatty and friendly.

One of the other patient's mothers was not feeling well and wanted to take a nap, so I put her 5-month-old grandson, Godgive (yes that is his real name) on my back (by myself, quite the task). Oh man, all my patients went crazy. "African Lady, African lady. You an African Lady. You name Miatta (meaning firstborn female child) from the Bandi Tribe in Lofa County." So, of course, I put a basket on my head and pretended to sell cold water and plums and they all yell "Auntie Miatta I buy you col wata cuz you an African lady!"

Now when I introduce myself to my patients I say my name is Stephanie but you can call me Miatta.

This is Larry, one of the chubbies babies in Liberia, he too likes to be in a lappa.

Albert the Baker

From time to time Albert (a retired baker from Germany) comes to the ship -  the Anastasis but now the on the Africa Mercy - to grace us with his presence for about 3 months at a time.  No, I am not making fun.  He can put out crescents, rolls, bread, specialty baked items like nobody's business...he's THE MAN!

The last time he left he really had a passion to have some equipment items he deemed necessary for our small bakery on board.  So he directly went home, raised the money, bought the equipment...and had it delivered to the Dutch office before we even knew what was going on!!!

And we're not talking about a couple of pizza cutters, we're talking about thousands of Euros in money and hundreds of kilos in weight.

[Click picture to make larger]

This mixer is specifically made for mixing dough.  Our other mixer was moved further down and has multiple attachments to do a myriad of other things...So now it is nice to be able to use the older mixer for everyday bulk prep & use in the kitchen without 'bumping' heads with the baker. 

This is a semi-automatic bun roller.  You slide a weight of dough in the machine on one of the 'trays' you see hanging on the side of the machine.  You pull the big handle down for it to cut the dough into equal proportions.  Then you slide over another lever to lock it into gear,

and pull another for it to start gyrating...It's kind of like doing the twist.  Mechanically it gyrates/vibrates (in a circular pattern) the 'tray' under the cut dough until they form separate balls trapped within the cutter.  Stop the machine lift the big handle and pull out the tray for your precise made dough balls for rolls or small breads.

Thanks, Albert!  And all who contributed to these purchases...They are both installed and ready for action when you come back to visit us!  But don't worry the current baker is using them now...the only dust they'll collect is from the flour.

Perfection

In Liberia, there are not a whole lot of options for weekend get-a-ways. One of the Mercy Ships' favorites is Robert's Port. It is about a 3-hour drive and is a beautiful beach. Up until a couple of months ago, camping was the only lodging there, and anyone who knows me would just laugh at me even considering sleeping in a tent as fun. But now there are these luxurious "tents" that are built on a wood platform. The tent I stayed in had 3 double beds, a fridge, a fan, light, and 2 big comfy chairs, hardly camping... Praise Jesus.

It sounds quite easy, jumping in a car and driving 3 hours to stay right on the beach, but in Liberia, the transportation can be horrible. I had been keeping my ears open when each group would come home from a Robert's Port trip to find a reliable taxi and Abu and his Mazda Minivan kept coming up. So I called him and he came to pick up the 6 of us girls. Usually, at least one disaster happens on a trip in Liberia, but everything went wonderfully as planned.

We played in the clean, beautiful ocean, walked on the beach, laid out in the sun, took naps, body boarded some perfect waves, ate some delicious food, and enjoyed each other's company. The group of girls included my dear friend Becky, actually, the trip was sort of Becky's goodbye party. She will leave in 10 days so it was precious to spend the weekend with her.

This weekend had the potential to turn out disastrous but was actually quite perfect.

I'm in

I find myself saying the phrase "do not be afraid" frequently. I tell my patients in recovery who are just waking up from anesthesia and are feeling weird and fearful, "do not be afraid." When I am starting an IV or changing a bandage and I see my patients' anxiety level raising and the squirming increases, I tell them "do not be afraid". When someone asks me "What are you and Tyrone doing when you leave the ship?" and my only answer is "I don't know." My pulse starts racing and I tell myself "do not be afraid".

I am reading "The Shack" by William Young and one of the main things I have gotten out of it is that God does not want us to live in the future in worry and fear, He wants us to enjoy the present with Him. He wants us to shut down the lie that we are alone and that He will leave us. He wants us to live in the joy of a relationship with Him. I believe it. I'm in.

John 14:25-27 (the message)

^{25 -27} "I'm telling you these things while I'm still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I'm leaving you well and whole. That's my parting gift to you. Peace. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft, alone. So don't be upset. Don't be distraught."

Practicing the Presence of People

Subtitle:  How we learn to love

(a book review by Tyrone)  I just finished reading this book.

Mike Mason, being highly motivated by Brother Lawrence's book The Practice of the Presence of God, felt knowing how to practice the presence of people should go 'hand-in-hand' with knowing God.

Here is the original book description:  In the deepest part of our hearts and souls is the desire to love well. Yet in our struggle to do so, we learn that, as Mike Mason puts it, "We are not born with love; it is something we must learn." Now, in Practicing the Presence of People, he helps us launch that learning process. Mason points the way to fresh knowledge and fresh experience, showing how we can discover new things about those we love, understand them from the inside out, tenderly identify with their weaknesses, and celebrate that they too were lovingly made by the hand of God.

I think Mike makes some mistakes and gets a little personally creative with his thoughts about God and scripture, but I believe the majority of the book endorses, encourages, and pushes us towards realizing that if we can never love our neighbor/'brother' who we can see, how can we love God who we can't see?

It gives some excellent examples and writing for what it means to Mike to really take stock in people (who are the church, not the building) and really test our love and limitations with these people.

Jesus himself continues all thru the new testament telling us that if we serve or love all kinds of people we are doing it for him. Relationship(s) is a key element in the Bible whether it be between us and our neighbor or God and his people.

There were parts of the book I personally did not agree with but overall thought the book was very successful at helping us see the importance of people and our relationships, and how it effects our lives and relationship with God.

The third H

My dear friend Bendu was back on the ward earlier this week. She came to have her eyelid and forehead worked on by Dr. Gary. I went in to see Bendu as she was leaving and she was very upset. She eventually told me " I don't understand. Everyone is talking about my arm, but my face is the problem. I am young and with this problem (her facial burns) no man will marry me." She went on to say that the nurses and Dr.s have not mentioned any plan of surgery on her face. I went into the OR to talk to Dr. Tertius and he said that we have to wait at least 1 year to do surgery or it will not take due to all the scarring.

This keeps running through my mind over and over. There is nothing I can do for Bendu except pray. Mercy Ship's motto is Hope and Healing. Those who have been here for a while think they should add another H for heartache. Unfortunately not everyone's story ends up with a happy ending. Sometimes it is just an ending and all we can do is pray that joy will come later, maybe that is better than a happy ending.